So, we all know I have a shopping addiction. That's what makes this monthly column for Juli B so enjoyable. I get to sift through Neiman's, Bergdorf's, ELuxury, Saks and Barneys, pick out my dream items and pitch them. Then, if I'm lucky, the editor chooses the picks I like and I get to write about them.

Okay, I don't actually get the items, but for me—a gimme, gimme, now, now!—person, this is a big step. I'm submitting my pitches early this month b/c of Italy, so whatever Juli rejects I will post here as the must-haves for spring.

I am totally salivating over silver bags and just don't know how I'm going to make it to Italy without one. I mean, silver is the one color of bag I don't have. Last year—gold, gold, gold. Now silver. I've got the cute silver shoes, now I just need the bag.

Esp. this one, which mom and I spotted at Bal Harbour and oohed and aahed over way before it became the de rigeur celeb bag of choice. Ahem.



In fact, I am adding it to my Neiman's wish list. Just in case; you never know. But the way to this girl's heart is through her accessories addiction. Oh, nevermind, it's not at Neiman's online, it's at Saks.

Cosmetics Crackhead

You know you're crazy when: You dream of products, especially items that haven't been invented yet. I'm obsessed with Dr. Hauschka lip balm and lip care stick. Yet last night I had a dream I was at Neiman's and they had a whole line of Dr. Hauschka lip products, glosses etc. Oy ya yoy. Crazy!

My other recent product favorites: BORBA. I use the Skin Balance Clarifying Aqua-Less Crystalline (Pomegranate flavor) every day, and as sketchy as it seems, the stuff actually works miracles. You mix it in your water, drink it up, and moments later, literally, you look as if you've just had a facial. Plus, it tastes good and each packet contains just about every daily vitamin you need. You can buy it at Sephora. I have only tried the clarifying formula, so I can't vouch for the other lines/tastes, but let me tell you, this is well worth the money.

The other day, I was out of my Kiehl's eye cream, which I've been using for years, but here in East Bumblefuck, there is only ONE place that has Kiehl's. Since I had to go stock up at Sephora anyway, I tried something new and quite like it. It's Philosophy's Hope in a Tube High Density Eye and Lip Firming Cream.

Now, it's not as good as my old standard: Kiehl's Creamy Eye Treatment with Avocado, but it will do for the next month or so.

Many of my friends my age do not understand the importance of moisturizing, and given the fact that they grew up in Florida, I think they are insane. Moisturizing the facial area, esp. the eyes where you get crow's feet is so important in preventing fine lines and wrinkles. So if you're not using under eye creams ladies, please start! The Kiehl's one is $24 and it will last you a couple months. You can order it online.

That's my beauty binge for today. Must go eat lunch and then go see my dentist, who is (thankfully a good family friend) and is seeing me today because my goddamn temporary crown has a mind of its own.

Sorry for the lag, there simply is no fashion where I am, but when I have a moment I will share my latest beauty findings.

My newest story on Juli B—the coolest sneakers ever.

And the must-have luxe picks for March.

Botox Anyone?

So the numbers are in and they are staggering.

Cate Blanchett's dazzling Armani number? $200,000.

Helen Mirren's divine Christian Lacroix frock? $400,000.

Kate Winslet's Valentino? $100,000.

Helen gets to keep hers; I don't know about the others.

Now, I love Kate Winslet. Great actress. Fabulous role model in that she's not ana like most Oscar-worthy actresses. However, I'm sorry to say that she is an argument in favor of Botoxing while you're young. She's my age, yet, if any of you saw the official pre-show on the network that the Academy Awards were broadcast on, you probably couldn't help but notice her terrible crow's feet and forehead lines. Even dad, who thinks I'm ridiculous with my Botox and Restylane at my age, finally saw the light. "She looks terrible," he agreed. And the truly scary thing is that she's never been in the sun and has great skin! But look at those lines! I've taken the liberty of posting some before and after pics. The after pics are me airbrushing away the lines using iPhoto. Take a gander.

BEFORE:






AFTER:

Oscar's Best- and Worst-Dressed

BEST

PENÉLOPE CRUZ, my longstanding girl crush, can do no wrong, especially in this unbelievably glamorous Atelier Versace gown. And it certainly doesn't hurt that she's wearing my favorite brand of jewelry: Chopard.

CATE BLANCHETT

Cate is just rocking the red carpet this year. Her Armani Privé gown, as well as her lean frame, is just to-die-for. And her Lorraine Schwartz earrings? I'm orgasming.

MAGGIE GYLLENHAAL
Ladies, this woman gave birth four months ago. My friends who did the same are still wearing maternity clothes. This crystal-embroidered Proenza Schouler fit her seamlessly.


GWYNETH PALTROW
She could have made better hair and makeup choices, but I'm digging this Zac Posen gown; I'm also digging the fact that she looks like a real woman now as opposed to skin and bones.




HELEN MIRREN
I've already extolled the magnificence of this haute couture Christian Lacroix gown on Dishalicious, but this woman, at 61, has a body to aspire to. This amazing, hand sewn, hand embroidered gown probably cost more than you make in a year (and if you're in publishing, make that two years.) Lacroix, darling. Lacroix. And that 62-carat Chopard brooch ain't bad either.



REESE WITHERSPOON
Radiant in Nina Ricci, for the third awards show in a row. That divorce diet is seriously doing magic for her skin, bod and face. Love the hair. Love the makeup. Love the dress. Love her.


WORST
JENNIFER LOPEZ
I'm biased here, as I think la Lopez is pure trailer trash, but this Marchesa gown is just all wrong, as is the random, weird hairstyle. I seriously think she's hiding a baby bump. Her last red carpet appearance was a loose-fitting Marchesa frock as well.



CAMERON DIAZ
I don't get Cameron's style; I really don't. As a former model, she's got the ideal body for clothes and a pretty face. She seems really cool, but her "funky" style always ends up coming off as fugly. Valentino, such a red carpet master, dropped the ball here as well. But the Cartier earrings are fabulous.

NICOLE KIDMAN

Ugh. Again, I'm biased, as I think she's a weird, uptight, gay-Tom-Cruise-marrying fembot whose face has so much Botox in it she could open up her own dermatology center. And true to her fembot ways, this Balenciaga dress would be more at home on a StarTrek set.

JENNIFER HUDSON
Oh, honey, this is just a disgrace. And Andre Leon Talley, Anna Wintour should whip your ass for pulling this ensemble together. First, girl needs to take a lesson from Queen Latifah on how to appropriately dress bigger bodies. The Queen is much larger and always gorgeous. I'm sure this Oscar de la Renta chocolate gown would have looked fab on, say, Karolina Kurkova, but on a plus-size woman? Uh uh. And that gold python jacket would have been cute with a black top and jeans for a night out in New York—if you're a size 2/4. Simply disastrous. I even hated the antique Fred Leighton necklace and the side-swept hair. Someone please get this girl a stylist, stat.




MERYL STREEP
Oh, Meryl, Meryl, Meryl. Last night she gave that crazy freak Sally Kirkland a run for her money in this disastrous Prada garbage bag. I've never been a big Prada fan when it comes to clothing; some of their collections are downright hideous. Though I do like most of their bags and shoes. And that necklace? Oy vey.

I'm live-blogging over at Dishalicious, since that's where the bulk of my readers are.

These Are a Few of My Favorite Things

I've been reading A LOT of magazines lately--some highlights:

Notte by Marchesa

Doo.Ri

Manolo Blahnik

Prada

Michael Kors

Louis Vuitton

Can I just say how brilliant this evening bag is simply for the fact that you can wear it with both white and yellow gold? Divine.

Christian Dior

OK more to come; I'm spent.

Oh Anna, say it isn't so! Mixing and matching furs!? Sigh. My case of idol worship just weakened a little bit. Pictured at the Badgley Mischka show, image from Gawker.

So I'm an official trendsetter, albeit a self-annointed one? Why, Shop It to Me, you make me blush.

Speaking of shopping, I had to go to Off 5th today to return the damn Marc Jacobs bag that did not sell on either Dishalicious or eBay. And despite the myriad temptations, I didn't buy anything. Oh wait—I did, okay? I almost forgot. Two C+C long sleeve T-shirts; $15 from $50. But T-shirts don't count. They had these fabulous Stuart Weitzman, pointy toe, patent pumps in both red and black for $150 and I still refrained. I think I deserve a present for being so good. Like a pair of Stuart Weitzman pumps perhaps. . .

Ode to Vogue

Oh lord how I miss NYC at times like these: Fashion Week. Obv. I'm a little obsessed with fashion and fashion magazines. Yesterday I wrote a letter to the good folks at Gawker, because they are looking for a writer to cover women's magazines. The job ad requested a paragraph about you and a couple paragraphs about the women's magazine you are obsessed with.

I have always been obsessed with Vogue. My grandmother was an obsessive-compulsive hoarder, and in addition to collecting designer clothing, accessories and jewelry as if they were cheap trinkets, she also kept every magazine she ever read, including priceless back issues of Vogue and W. So when I went to her condo in Sarasota, I pored over the Vogue back issues and sifted through the designer duds and escaped into this fantastic, fashionable fantasy world. Thus my Vogue obsession was born.

Naturally, Vogue is the magazine I chose to wrote about to illustrate my obsession with women's magazines. My dream since about the age of 16 was to work for Vogue. I've long-ago faced the fact that this likely will not happen, but I continue to hold the magazine in great esteem. Obv. this job is a complete long shot; I'm sure they got hundreds of letters, so I thought I would share mine with you. (Keep in mind that the web site is a very snarky, tongue-in-cheek site that pokes fun at the media from an insider's perspective, hence the informal tone of the letter.) Anywho, here's the excerpt from the letter detailing my ongoing Vogue fixation:

Now, as far as women's magazines go, I have to admit I'm a devotee of the much-maligned, yet truly essential fashion bible, Vogue. I've always worshiped at Anna's altar, Devil Wears Prada or not. Off the record, I'll share with you a couple of embarrassing tidbits to illustrate my Vogue obsession. My first official clip—if you can call it that—was a letter to the editor in Vogue, published when I was 17. And (this is the truly embarrassing part) the cake at my high school graduation party was a mock-up of a Vogue cover, replete with headlines and decks that I wrote. I kid you not—I still have the photos. In my opinion, Vogue continues to be the arbiter of the fashion industry, and no other editor in chief in the history of women's magazines, aside from Diana Vreeland, has been as influential, infamous and intimidating as Anna. Sure, the layouts are increasingly, er, whimsical, the items featured are completely unaffordable, the covers are often messy and the writers' tones sometimes make you want to hurl, yet the magazine is still relevant. It's like family—you can't live without it, you can't kill it and it's always there for you when you're feeling down.

Okay, so I exaggerate, but the truth is that Vogue is a magazine that is aspirational, and in today's age of instant gratification that's somehow comforting. I know I won't be able to afford the handbag, shoes or bauble featured on the last page, yet I am still dying to see what it is. A girl has to dream, and if my fantasies were spilled out onto four-color spreads, they would look a lot like Vogue's Index.

And though I haven't reviewed the Fashion Week collections as yet, I did look at photos from the shows and was absolutely horrified to behold this picture of Vogue editor/writer Plum Sykes. Ugh. She's giving writers, fashionistas and Conde Nasties a bad name with this ensemble; the jeans are too long, the hair is disheveled, the scarf is taking up half her body, the redneck hat that I know is all the rage but is still hideous, the clunky black shoes paired with a beige bag and a gray coat. She's just all over the place:




On the other hand, Anna Wintour is uber-chic in this delectable sheared (what looks like beaver) fur coat, during a season when most other NYC girls' furs look like just-killed raccoons fresh off Davy Crockett's farm. Although I am a vegetarian simply because I don't care for meat or fish, I love a good fur. But there's a fine line between fur fabulousity and fur atrocity.

Fabulous Fur on Anna with her gorgeous clone daughter Bee Shaffer:




Fugly fur on longtime media figure Lauren Ezersky:

My latest journalistic endeavor, though humble, is at least related to subject matter I adore. Why fashion and fragrance and design of course . . . Juli B February Picks.

SAG's Sartorial Superstars

My best-dressed highlights from the SAG Awards last night; I hate E!'s coverage since Joan and Melissa left; Ryan Seacrest simply can't be counted on to religiously ask, "Who are you wearing?"

Cate Blanchett takes the cake I think, radiant in her Armani Prive gown.



I also thought Anne Hathaway looked magnificent in Marchesa, no doubt channeling her Devil Wears Prada character.



Joy Bryant went for a fail-safe, red Valentino number, though some experts take issue with the whole red-dress-on-red-carpet thing, my opinion is that one cannot go wrong in a red Valentino.



Usually funky fashionista Sandra Oh is toned down in Armani.



Reese Witherspoon also looked great, again in Nina Ricci, playing it safe I guess but her bod has never looked better. Depression over the divorce, probably.



And Kyra Sedgwick, who was a mess at the Golden Globes, redeemed herself in Herve Leger, showing off a sick body (she's 41!) in a dress that leaves no room for, well, anything.

eBaying

My unsold Marc Jacobs Kira bag is now up for sale on eBay, though despite posting several items on eBay in the past nothing has ever sold? Am I missing something here? Either way, I'll return the bag or keep it for spring.

And, oh, wouldn't it be just perfect for Italy in April??? We booked our flights today, yay!

But, seriously, what is the secret of success to selling on eBay. Somebody please enlighten me.

Fashionosophy's Frugal Finds

Once again, all culled from the Neiman Marcus Last Call in Miami.

My favorite score is this lovely Tracy Reese sundress, that retailed for $350. Neiman's Last Call price? $80. Aww yeah.



Then there's this adorable LaRok jacket, which retailed for $270. I got it for $41.




This Nanette Lepore skirt though was brought about by true designer intervention, as I already possessed the matching top, purchased last year at Bergdorf's. Retail: $275. My price: $44.

The skirt . . .




And, now, a complete set . . .



Now, vote, damnit, vote!

Retail Research

Naturally I am marooned in my condo watching E!'s pre-show red carpet coverage of the Golden Globes. On Saturday I was on assignment at Bal Harbour, scoping out fabulous things for Juli B.

I was a little pressed for time, since it took me like an hour to get there due to road closures that resulted in me pulling up to the security gate in an exclusive Miami Beach community and sitting in the gatehouse with the lovely security officer who was kind enough to draw me a map to Bal Harbour.

I hit Hermes, Chopard, Van Cleef, Judith Ripka and Books & Books. (It's a varied assignment.) Mom arrives on Thursday, so assuming therapist doesn't intervene any further into our shopping habits, we will return on Friday for more "research."

My favorite finds:

Chopard






Van Cleef