Oscar's Best- and Worst-Dressed

BEST

PENÉLOPE CRUZ, my longstanding girl crush, can do no wrong, especially in this unbelievably glamorous Atelier Versace gown. And it certainly doesn't hurt that she's wearing my favorite brand of jewelry: Chopard.

CATE BLANCHETT

Cate is just rocking the red carpet this year. Her Armani Privé gown, as well as her lean frame, is just to-die-for. And her Lorraine Schwartz earrings? I'm orgasming.

MAGGIE GYLLENHAAL
Ladies, this woman gave birth four months ago. My friends who did the same are still wearing maternity clothes. This crystal-embroidered Proenza Schouler fit her seamlessly.


GWYNETH PALTROW
She could have made better hair and makeup choices, but I'm digging this Zac Posen gown; I'm also digging the fact that she looks like a real woman now as opposed to skin and bones.




HELEN MIRREN
I've already extolled the magnificence of this haute couture Christian Lacroix gown on Dishalicious, but this woman, at 61, has a body to aspire to. This amazing, hand sewn, hand embroidered gown probably cost more than you make in a year (and if you're in publishing, make that two years.) Lacroix, darling. Lacroix. And that 62-carat Chopard brooch ain't bad either.



REESE WITHERSPOON
Radiant in Nina Ricci, for the third awards show in a row. That divorce diet is seriously doing magic for her skin, bod and face. Love the hair. Love the makeup. Love the dress. Love her.


WORST
JENNIFER LOPEZ
I'm biased here, as I think la Lopez is pure trailer trash, but this Marchesa gown is just all wrong, as is the random, weird hairstyle. I seriously think she's hiding a baby bump. Her last red carpet appearance was a loose-fitting Marchesa frock as well.



CAMERON DIAZ
I don't get Cameron's style; I really don't. As a former model, she's got the ideal body for clothes and a pretty face. She seems really cool, but her "funky" style always ends up coming off as fugly. Valentino, such a red carpet master, dropped the ball here as well. But the Cartier earrings are fabulous.

NICOLE KIDMAN

Ugh. Again, I'm biased, as I think she's a weird, uptight, gay-Tom-Cruise-marrying fembot whose face has so much Botox in it she could open up her own dermatology center. And true to her fembot ways, this Balenciaga dress would be more at home on a StarTrek set.

JENNIFER HUDSON
Oh, honey, this is just a disgrace. And Andre Leon Talley, Anna Wintour should whip your ass for pulling this ensemble together. First, girl needs to take a lesson from Queen Latifah on how to appropriately dress bigger bodies. The Queen is much larger and always gorgeous. I'm sure this Oscar de la Renta chocolate gown would have looked fab on, say, Karolina Kurkova, but on a plus-size woman? Uh uh. And that gold python jacket would have been cute with a black top and jeans for a night out in New York—if you're a size 2/4. Simply disastrous. I even hated the antique Fred Leighton necklace and the side-swept hair. Someone please get this girl a stylist, stat.




MERYL STREEP
Oh, Meryl, Meryl, Meryl. Last night she gave that crazy freak Sally Kirkland a run for her money in this disastrous Prada garbage bag. I've never been a big Prada fan when it comes to clothing; some of their collections are downright hideous. Though I do like most of their bags and shoes. And that necklace? Oy vey.