Wednesday, February 28, 2007

Botox Anyone?

So the numbers are in and they are staggering.

Cate Blanchett's dazzling Armani number? $200,000.

Helen Mirren's divine Christian Lacroix frock? $400,000.

Kate Winslet's Valentino? $100,000.

Helen gets to keep hers; I don't know about the others.

Now, I love Kate Winslet. Great actress. Fabulous role model in that she's not ana like most Oscar-worthy actresses. However, I'm sorry to say that she is an argument in favor of Botoxing while you're young. She's my age, yet, if any of you saw the official pre-show on the network that the Academy Awards were broadcast on, you probably couldn't help but notice her terrible crow's feet and forehead lines. Even dad, who thinks I'm ridiculous with my Botox and Restylane at my age, finally saw the light. "She looks terrible," he agreed. And the truly scary thing is that she's never been in the sun and has great skin! But look at those lines! I've taken the liberty of posting some before and after pics. The after pics are me airbrushing away the lines using iPhoto. Take a gander.

BEFORE:






AFTER:



Monday, February 26, 2007

Oscar's Best- and Worst-Dressed

BEST

PENÉLOPE CRUZ, my longstanding girl crush, can do no wrong, especially in this unbelievably glamorous Atelier Versace gown. And it certainly doesn't hurt that she's wearing my favorite brand of jewelry: Chopard.

CATE BLANCHETT

Cate is just rocking the red carpet this year. Her Armani Privé gown, as well as her lean frame, is just to-die-for. And her Lorraine Schwartz earrings? I'm orgasming.



MAGGIE GYLLENHAAL
Ladies, this woman gave birth four months ago. My friends who did the same are still wearing maternity clothes. This crystal-embroidered
Proenza Schouler fit her seamlessly.


GWYNETH PALTROW
She could have made better hair and makeup choices, but I'm digging this Zac Posen gown; I'm also digging the fact that she looks like a real woman now as opposed to skin and bones.




HELEN MIRREN
I've already extolled the magnificence of this haute couture Christian Lacroix gown on Dishalicious, but this woman, at 61, has a body to aspire to. This amazing, hand sewn, hand embroidered gown probably cost more than you make in a year (and if you're in publishing, make that two years.)
Lacroix, darling. Lacroix. And that 62-carat Chopard brooch ain't bad either.



REESE WITHERSPOON
Radiant in Nina Ricci, for the third awards show in a row. That divorce diet is seriously doing magic for her skin, bod and face. Love the hair. Love the makeup. Love the dress. Love her.


WORST
JENNIFER LOPEZ
I'm biased here, as I think la Lopez is pure trailer trash, but this Marchesa gown is just all wrong, as is the random, weird hairstyle. I seriously think she's hiding a baby bump. Her last red carpet appearance was a loose-fitting Marchesa frock as well.




CAMERON DIAZ

I don't get Cameron's style; I really don't. As a former model, she's got the ideal body for clothes and a pretty face. She seems really cool, but her "funky" style always ends up coming off as fugly. Valentino, such a red carpet master, dropped the ball here as well. But the Cartier earrings are fabulous.

NICOLE KIDMAN

Ugh. Again, I'm biased, as I think she's a weird, uptight, gay-Tom-Cruise-marrying fembot whose face has so much Botox in it she could open up her own dermatology center. And true to her fembot ways, this Balenciaga dress would be more at home on a StarTrek set.


JENNIFER HUDSON
Oh, honey, this is just a disgrace. And Andre Leon Talley, Anna Wintour should whip your ass for pulling this ensemble together. First, girl needs to take a lesson from Queen Latifah on how to appropriately dress bigger bodies. The Queen is much larger and always gorgeous. I'm sure this Oscar de la Renta chocolate gown would have looked fab on, say, Karolina Kurkova, but on a plus-size woman? Uh uh. And that gold python jacket would have been cute with a black top and jeans for a night out in New York—if you're a size 2/4. Simply disastrous. I even hated the antique Fred Leighton necklace and the side-swept hair. Someone please get this girl a stylist, stat.




MERYL STREEP
Oh, Meryl, Meryl, Meryl. Last night she gave that crazy freak Sally Kirkland a run for her money in this disastrous Prada garbage bag. I've never been a big Prada fan when it comes to clothing; some of their collections are downright hideous. Though I do like most of their bags and shoes. And that necklace? Oy vey.


Sunday, February 25, 2007

I'm live-blogging over at Dishalicious, since that's where the bulk of my readers are.

Sunday, February 18, 2007

These Are a Few of My Favorite Things

I've been reading A LOT of magazines lately--some highlights:


























Can I just say how brilliant this evening bag is simply for the fact that you can wear it with both white and yellow gold? Divine.




OK more to come; I'm spent.

Friday, February 09, 2007


Oh Anna, say it isn't so! Mixing and matching furs!? Sigh. My case of idol worship just weakened a little bit. Pictured at the Badgley Mischka show, image from Gawker.

Wednesday, February 07, 2007

So I'm an official trendsetter, albeit a self-annointed one? Why, Shop It to Me, you make me blush.

Speaking of shopping, I had to go to Off 5th today to return the damn Marc Jacobs bag that did not sell on either Dishalicious or eBay. And despite the myriad temptations, I didn't buy anything. Oh wait—I did, okay? I almost forgot. Two C+C long sleeve T-shirts; $15 from $50. But T-shirts don't count. They had these fabulous Stuart Weitzman, pointy toe, patent pumps in both red and black for $150 and I still refrained. I think I deserve a present for being so good. Like a pair of Stuart Weitzman pumps perhaps. . .

Tuesday, February 06, 2007

Ode to Vogue

Oh lord how I miss NYC at times like these: Fashion Week. Obv. I'm a little obsessed with fashion and fashion magazines. Yesterday I wrote a letter to the good folks at Gawker, because they are looking for a writer to cover women's magazines. The job ad requested a paragraph about you and a couple paragraphs about the women's magazine you are obsessed with.

I have always been obsessed with Vogue. My grandmother was an obsessive-compulsive hoarder, and in addition to collecting designer clothing, accessories and jewelry as if they were cheap trinkets, she also kept every magazine she ever read, including priceless back issues of Vogue and W. So when I went to her condo in Sarasota, I pored over the Vogue back issues and sifted through the designer duds and escaped into this fantastic, fashionable fantasy world. Thus my Vogue obsession was born.

Naturally, Vogue is the magazine I chose to wrote about to illustrate my obsession with women's magazines. My dream since about the age of 16 was to work for Vogue. I've long-ago faced the fact that this likely will not happen, but I continue to hold the magazine in great esteem. Obv. this job is a complete long shot; I'm sure they got hundreds of letters, so I thought I would share mine with you. (Keep in mind that the web site is a very snarky, tongue-in-cheek site that pokes fun at the media from an insider's perspective, hence the informal tone of the letter.) Anywho, here's the excerpt from the letter detailing my ongoing Vogue fixation:

Now, as far as women's magazines go, I have to admit I'm a devotee of the much-maligned, yet truly essential fashion bible, Vogue. I've always worshiped at Anna's altar, Devil Wears Prada or not. Off the record, I'll share with you a couple of embarrassing tidbits to illustrate my Vogue obsession. My first official clip—if you can call it that—was a letter to the editor in Vogue, published when I was 17. And (this is the truly embarrassing part) the cake at my high school graduation party was a mock-up of a Vogue cover, replete with headlines and decks that I wrote. I kid you not—I still have the photos. In my opinion, Vogue continues to be the arbiter of the fashion industry, and no other editor in chief in the history of women's magazines, aside from Diana Vreeland, has been as influential, infamous and intimidating as Anna. Sure, the layouts are increasingly, er, whimsical, the items featured are completely unaffordable, the covers are often messy and the writers' tones sometimes make you want to hurl, yet the magazine is still relevant. It's like family—you can't live without it, you can't kill it and it's always there for you when you're feeling down.

Okay, so I exaggerate, but the truth is that Vogue is a magazine that is aspirational, and in today's age of instant gratification that's somehow comforting. I know I won't be able to afford the handbag, shoes or bauble featured on the last page, yet I am still dying to see what it is. A girl has to dream, and if my fantasies were spilled out onto four-color spreads, they would look a lot like Vogue's Index.

And though I haven't reviewed the Fashion Week collections as yet, I did look at photos from the shows and was absolutely horrified to behold this picture of Vogue editor/writer Plum Sykes. Ugh. She's giving writers, fashionistas and Conde Nasties a bad name with this ensemble; the jeans are too long, the hair is disheveled, the scarf is taking up half her body, the redneck hat that I know is all the rage but is still hideous, the clunky black shoes paired with a beige bag and a gray coat. She's just all over the place:




On the other hand, Anna Wintour is uber-chic in this delectable sheared (what looks like beaver) fur coat, during a season when most other NYC girls' furs look like just-killed raccoons fresh off Davy Crockett's farm. Although I am a vegetarian simply because I don't care for meat or fish, I love a good fur. But there's a fine line between fur fabulousity and fur atrocity.

Fabulous Fur on Anna with her gorgeous clone daughter Bee Shaffer:




Fugly fur on longtime media figure Lauren Ezersky:

My latest journalistic endeavor, though humble, is at least related to subject matter I adore. Why fashion and fragrance and design of course . . . Juli B February Picks.